Someone shit on the floor
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
