I feel like I'm in dance class right now
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
