God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
