so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just forgot I was standing up.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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