once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
