I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
