Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
