Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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