smell my finger.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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