I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
