Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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