I wish my penis had an off switch
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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