omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
