would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
