:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
