I think my vagina is haunted
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
there is glitter all over my balls
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