Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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