I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We were destined to go to rehab together
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
