K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
