Already got asked if we're dating
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
