I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
