Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize