I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
