I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
