Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
