That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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