DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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