He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
