What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
