I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
