Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
