The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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