in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
