you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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