so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
