the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
