I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
