How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
