i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
