You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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