I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
