her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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