BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize