Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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