YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
