The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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