I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
