Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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