Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
worst night to have a conscience
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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