How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
