my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just found puke in my bra..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
