Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
