Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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