Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
