it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
