Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
