After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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