Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
