Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
