At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
