I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This is my gift to your gina
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
