I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You ruined the universe
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
