It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
