my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
