He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
