1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
