so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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