WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize