All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
