I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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