OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize