The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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