I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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