Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
