If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
